Having been born and raised on Long Island, in the suburbs, an hour train ride from New York City, my native New Yorker roots come out at the strangest times. Having lived in the midwest for most of my post-Syracuse University life, I’ve learned to tone my New Yorkness down a couple of notches. I’ve learned to say, “Oh my goodness,” when my natural instinct is to say something much snarkier. I had to learn not to interrupt, a New Yorker’s sign that they are listening to you and processing the information and wanting to give you feedback. In the midwest, interrupting is considered rude.
This is a conversation I’ve had with a P.E.O. sister, another transplanted native New Yorker, who now lives in western Canada. “Not the post I was hoping for this morning. I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. I know we will survive but I can’t help thinking it was more about electing a woman than anything else…” was her email to me after yesterday’s post was sent out.
My kids, who are all adults but will always be “my kids,” were upset by the election results and took out their frustration in our group message on our phones. Resiliency, the art and skill of being “able to recover quickly from misfortune; able to return to original form after being bent, compressed, or stretched out of shape. A human ability to recover quickly from disruptive change, or misfortune without being overwhelmed or acting in dysfunctional or harmful ways,” is one we tend to forget to teach our children. We want their life to be good, smooth and easy for them, forgetting that in the difficult spots one learns resiliency, and sometimes grace, and sometimes humility.
My advice to my offspring was the same as advice I later saw posted on facebook by one of my former assistants, Austin Goins, from my days as an Executive Director of a non-profit organization.
Austin, who gave me permission to use her quote and name, is about the same age as my kids. She was a terrific assistant who had to endure my tirades and advice and we laughed a lot. She is now doing great things in Chicago and will go far in her career.
“Make your own corner of the world a better place. Give of your time, talents and treasures. Love one another. Make someone’s life better. Share what you have. Call and meet with your legislators if you have an issue about which you are passionate,” is what I texted my kids.
Later, I found the words spoken by a Pi Phi sister as she addressed the Wellesley College of 1990. They resonated with me and they would have regardless of her affiliation.
“Your success as a family, our success as a society, depends not on what happens in the White House, but on what happens inside your house.”
The words were spoken by Barbara Bush, who, in her post-White House years, became an alumna initiate of the Texas A&M chapter of Pi Beta Phi. The quilt is one which I purchased years ago when I was on a planning committee for a women’s scholarship fundraiser. I started the bidding at the minimum price and it was the only bid. Although it was really more than I could afford to spend at the time, it has brought me great joy in the ensuing years.
© Fran Becque, www.fraternityhistory.com, 2016. All Rights Reserved. If you enjoyed this post, please sign up for updates. Also follow me on twitter @GLOHistory and Pinterest www.pinterest.com/glohistory.
